A thief broke into Akpos house and stole his Tv.
He took off and started running,
Akpos also ran after him.
The faster he ran,
the faster the Akpos also ran after him.
Finally
the thief got tired and stopped,
Akpos also stopped.
Panting,
Akpos told the thief "Take the remote, you forgot it"..
The reason,why Akpos got a black eye!
Akpos is heading home very drunk,he knows that Adwubi will be angry again so in his way,he planned to trick her!
He fixed his clothes on his hair and knock on d door,.
As it open der is Adwubi standing wit d ugliest face ever!
Adwubi : this time Akpos,wat is your reason again?
Akpos(smiled) well i went to buy a bunch of flowers for the beautiful lady in the house,.
Adwubi was pleased an smiled "thats sweet,
but
where are the bunch of flowers?"
Akpos : where is the beautiful lady in the house?
And
he woke up wit a black eye!
There was a couple sleeping. The wife had a bad dream, she woke up scared and cried.
Her husband comforted her and asked why she
cried, she replied: “I had a dream that a very rich
and handsome man kidnapped me from you.”
Husband: “It is ok honey, it was just a dream.”
Wife responded loudly: “That is why I’m crying.”
A wife was making breakfast of fried eggs for her husband..
Suddenly,her husband came into the Kitchen..
Husband: Careful!Careful!Put in some more oil!
Oooohh My God!You are cooking too many at once.Too many!Turn them..Turn them now!You need more oil.
Oh My God!Where are we going to get more oil?The eggs are going to stick!Careful!Careful!I said BE CAREFUL!You never listen to me when you are cooking!Never!
Turn them!Hurry up!Are you crazy?
Have you lost your mind?
Don't forget to salt them!You know you always forget to do that.Use the salt...Use the salt!The salt!
The wife stared at him angrily,
"What's wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband replied,
"I just wanted to show you how it felt like when I'm driving & you do the same!"
Akpos came home from work last night and said to his wife::
"I have been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and get to employ my own private secretary"
.
.
Wife "well please find an ugly Private secretary ,
who doesn't have a personal hygiene,
smelly armpits and
dresses like an old woman,
I don't want you choosing someone who you are going to be tempted to have an affair with"
.
.
"That's fair enough " Akpos replied
"when do you wanna start "
I don't know about other people, but my LOGIC behind drinking is that:
when i drink, i get drunk.
.
when i get drunk, i speak the truth.
.
when i speak the truth, i'll go to HEAVEN.
So guys... lets DRINK & GO TO HEAVEN. CHEERS!!!
All chemistry books in school as well as in College said the same thing:
...
... ...
... ... ...
... ... ... ...
... ... ...... ...
... ... ...... ... ...
ALCOHOL is A SOLUTION!
Spanish captain was walking on his ship...
.
A soldier rushes to him and says, "One enemy ship is approaching us!"
.
Captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt"
The soldier gets the shirt for the captain.
.
The enemy ship comes in, heavy rounds of fire are exchanged.
Finally, the Spaniards win.
.
Soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?"
.
Captain replies, "If i got injured, then my blood shouldn't be seen, as i didn't want my men to loose hope."
.
Moral:
For success, hope is very important.
.
Just then, another soldier,
"Sir, we just spotted another TWENTY enemy ships!"
The captain calmly replies,
.
.
.
.
"Go bring my yellow pants"
Two white guys and an Ashanti lady were sitting at Golden Tulip, Kumasi.
When the barman came over to take their order,
the first guy said "Jonny Walker, single."
The second guy said "Jack Daniels, single."
Barman turns to the lady and asks "and you?"
She responds "Akua Afriyie, married"
A Ghanaian man, American man and Nigerian man were lost in a forest and were captured by cannibals.
The king of the cannibals told the three friends that they could live if... they pass a trial.
The 1st step was to go deep into the forest and get 10 pieces of the same kind of fruits.
The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits.
The Ghanaian man came back and said to the king, "I brought 10 apples".
The King explained the trial to him.
King : You have to swallow the fruits without any expression on your face or you will be killed.
The first apple went in, but on the second one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The American arrived and showed the king 10 berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy....1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The Ghanaian and American met in heaven.... The Ghanaian man asked, "why did you laugh ?, you almost got away with the trial"....then the American man replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the Nigerian man coming with Watermelons!! :P
10 Madmen were locked up in a Chicken yard. 9 of them started jumping up and down while screaming. However,
only one was found seated quitely at onecorner of the yard.
The Doctor went towards him and
whispered," I can see that It's only you among these 10 patients who has regained mental sanity.
The Man quickly replied to the Doctor,
"Hey! Shhhh, keep quiet, am trying to lay an egg.
When RAJNIKANTH was studying civil engg,
his teacher asked him 2 show his final year project...
.
next day his teacher was shocked by seeing
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
CHINA WALL!
A girl posts An ad in Newspaper for her Life Partner : 'Need a person who, Never leaves me, Never beats me and Can satisfy me on Bed'
.
.
Next day a Guy with No arms and Legs knock at her door
.
Girl : Who are yu ?
Guy : I want to be yur husband.
Girl : You dont fit for that.
Guy:I dont have arms , So i cant beat yu ! I dont have legs , So i cant leave you !
Girl : How can yu satisfy me on bed ?
.
.
.
.
Guy : How do yu think i knocked the door
A guy sits in a taxi and sees his wife entering a hotel with another man, and tells the driver.
Do you want to Earn $500 right away ?,,,,
The driver excitedly said what do I have to do ?.. Bring my wife by the hair out of that hotel, here's a picture of her.
After a while the driver is seen
dragging a woman by the hair, While kicking and beating her and puts her in the Taxi. And the husband says to him,
"This is not my wife" the driver replied "
Nooooo , this is mine, hold her for me. I'm going for yours"!
