Today's Wise saying-
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Life is never boring....
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if you have a dirty mind.

A Liverpool fan, an Arsenal fan and a Manchester United fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for
the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:
'It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.

The Liverpool fan was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: 'Please tie a pillow to my back.' This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Arsenal fan was next up. After watching the Scouser in horror he said smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.' But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Arsenal fan was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do - **no pun**).

The Manchester united fan was the last
one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: 'You support the biggest club in the world and your team is one of the finest in the world. For this reason, you may have two wishes!' 'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness', the Red devil replied. 'In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20 lashes but, 100 lashes.' 'Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave'. The Sheikh said with an admiring look
on his face. 'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish'?
'Tie the Arsenal fan to my back.'

reason:" i'm bored

I logout from Facebook (reason:" i'm bored)..
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After 5 min- I sign in (reason:" i'm bored)....

Boys : Happy Creatures

Boys are always Happy Creatures WHY?

1-Their last name stays with them forever,

2-Phone conversation last just for 30 secs flat,

3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,

4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend,

5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,

6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes,

7-They don't freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies.

Laws Of Life

1) Law Of Telephone : When You Dial A Wrong Number, You Never Get A Busy Tone.

2) Law Of Mechanical Repair : After your Hands Become Coated with grease your nose will begin to itch.

3) Law Of The Workshop : Any Tool, When Dropped, Will Roll to the Least Accessible Corner.

4) Law Of The Alibi : If You Tell The Boss You Were Late For work because You Had A Flat Tire, The Next Morning You Will have a flat tire.

5) Bath Theorem : When The Body Is Immersed In Water, The telephone rings.

6) Law Of Encounters : The Probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

7) Law Of The Result : When You Try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, It Will.

8) Law Of Bio mechanics : The Severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

9) Theater Rule : People With The Seats At The Furthest From The Aisle Arrive Last.

10) Law Of Coffee : As Soon As You Sit Down For A Cup Of Hot Coffee, Your Boss Will Ask You To Do Something Which Will Last Until The Coffee Is Cold.

11) Law Of Proposal : After U Accept A Proposal You Will Get A Better One.

Always keep a packet of Bread in your car. .
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In case you get stuck in a Jam

A thief broke into Akpos house and stole his Tv.

He took off and started running, 
Akpos also ran after him.

The faster he ran, 
the faster the Akpos also ran after him.

Finally 
the thief got tired and stopped, 
Akpos also stopped.

Panting,
Akpos told the thief "Take the remote, you forgot it"..

The reason,why Akpos got a black eye!

Akpos is heading home very drunk,he knows that Adwubi will be angry again so in his way,he planned to trick her!

He fixed his clothes on his hair and knock on d door,.
As it open der is Adwubi standing wit d ugliest face ever!

Adwubi : this time Akpos,wat is your reason again?

Akpos(smiled) well i went to buy a bunch of flowers for the beautiful lady in the house,.

Adwubi was pleased an smiled "thats sweet,
but
where are the bunch of flowers?"

Akpos : where is the beautiful lady in the house?

And 
he woke up wit a black eye!

There was a couple sleeping. The wife had a bad dream, she woke up scared and cried.
Her husband comforted her and asked why she
cried, she replied: “I had a dream that a very rich
and handsome man kidnapped me from you.”

Husband: “It is ok honey, it was just a dream.”

Wife responded loudly: “That is why I’m crying.”

A wife was making breakfast of fried eggs for her husband..
Suddenly,her husband came into the Kitchen..

Husband: Careful!Careful!Put in some more oil!
Oooohh My God!You are cooking too many at once.Too many!Turn them..Turn them now!You need more oil.
Oh My God!Where are we going to get more oil?The eggs are going to stick!Careful!Careful!I said BE CAREFUL!You never listen to me when you are cooking!Never!
Turn them!Hurry up!Are you crazy?
Have you lost your mind?
Don't forget to salt them!You know you always forget to do that.Use the salt...Use the salt!The salt!

The wife stared at him angrily,
"What's wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband replied,
"I just wanted to show you how it felt like when I'm driving & you do the same!"