What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
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The accountant knows he's boring.

1. Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.

2. Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.

3. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

4. What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.

5. An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don’t understand.

6. Why did the accountant cross the road? Because she looked in the files and did what they did last year.

7. How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.

8. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.

9. An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.

10. Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.

11. How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.

12. There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don't tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted]

13. What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humor.

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Peter lived in a tiny Moroccan village.

All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy, Peter"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...

The mother could not accept such a feed back and she took her son out from that school. she even shifted to another city ...

25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform..

Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful ...

when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling at her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk, in turn, he was staring at her face which started turning blue.

She was raising her hand trying to tell him some thing but in vain and eventually died...

The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw Peter working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......    

If you were thinking  that Peter became a doctor, it's because you have been watching too many Indian movies, serials or have read too many motivational fowarded messages...😂

Peter is Peter . 😆

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, ‘You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.’
Wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.’
Husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that, show me.’
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the Old Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . ‘HEBREWS’

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
‘The wife responded, ‘Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, ‘The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, ‘What?’

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’
‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I’m not going to understand women.
I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

WOMEN’S REVENGE

‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
‘So, do you always carry your TV remote?’ I asked.
‘No,’ she replied, ‘but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.’