1. Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.

2. Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.

3. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

4. What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.

5. An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don’t understand.

6. Why did the accountant cross the road? Because she looked in the files and did what they did last year.

7. How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.

8. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.

9. An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.

10. Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.

11. How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.

12. There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don't tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted]

13. What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humor.