Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options.
One was an alcoholic, 
one was a chain smoker, 
and one was a homosexual.

The doctor, addressing all three of them,
said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."

The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his
stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.

The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, 
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.we're both dead!"

It Happened in a Hospital that ICU patients died in the same bed every Sunday at 3PM.
Doctors thought it is something Super Natural.

Worldwide Expert team was formed to Investigate the cause.

Next Sunday, few mins before 3PM, all doctors & Nurses stood around that Bed & Waiting to see what it was.

Then Suddenly Atongo (Part time sweeper) Entered the ICU, unplugged the Life Support system of that Bed & then plugged her Mobile Charger...

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB!

Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates into the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back After 6 hours and then analyse The situation..

If they are counting the Bricks.
Put them in the Accounts Department.

If they are recounting them..
Put them in Auditing ..

If they have messed up the Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in Engineering.

If they are arranging the Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in Planning.

If they are throwing the Bricks at each other.
Put them in Operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in Security.


If they have broken the bricks Into pieces.
Put them in Information Technology.

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in Human Resources.

If they say they have tried Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has Been moved, put them in Sales.

If they have already left for The day.
Put them in Marketing.

If they are staring out of the Window.
Put them on Strategic Planning.

And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each Other and not a single brick Has been Moved.

Congratulate them and put them
in
Top Management

Engineer v/s Manager

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost.

She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

Man below replied: "You r in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground.You are at 41 deg north latitude & 59 deg west longitude."

Lady: You must be an engineer.

Man: How do you know?

Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I'm still lost.

Engineer:You must be in Top Management.

Lady:Ya.How do you know?

Engineer:U don't know where you are or where you're going. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. 

If u cant change the girl..
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CHANGE the girl.

Never Ask A Woman Her Age..!
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A Man, His Salary..!!
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And...
Now-A-Days...
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An Engineering Student, His Placement..!!
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It Hurt.

Drunker's Matrimonial advertisement:::

WANTED WIFE

AGE no Bar,

WEIGHT no Bar,

LOOKS no Bar,

CASTE no Bar,

Education no Bar.

But
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girl's father must have his own bar

RECYCLE PAPER

Boy sees a beautiful girl sitting right next to him, &
he writes on paper"i love you, do you love me ?"

She replies"No"

he didn't give up, he rubs her answer & passed same paper to
another girl sitting left to him...
And she replies"Yes"



Moral of the story is:

RECYCLE PAPER and save trees, save earth !

Teacher :- Teach some manners to your son

Father :- Why? What Happens?

Teacher :- While filling the form you know what he wrote for column sex?

Father :- What?

Teacher :- "Not got chance yet."

Facebook is not all about likes and shares.
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Like and share if you agree.

sooooo wise

Akpors bought a Brand New Bullet proof car, While driving alone in the bush at Night, Armed Robbers ambushed him and fired shots at his car sporadically but could not Penetrate,

Akpors, being so wise, came down from the car and started abusing the robbers " ur fadas" don't you know the car has bullet proof??"
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Akpors was Buried 2 days later.

Price Hike

Congress has decided to get the full majority in next elections
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hence price hike...
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so that no one other than Congis survive 

Today's Wise saying-
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Life is never boring....
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if you have a dirty mind.

A Liverpool fan, an Arsenal fan and a Manchester United fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for
the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:
'It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.

The Liverpool fan was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: 'Please tie a pillow to my back.' This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Arsenal fan was next up. After watching the Scouser in horror he said smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.' But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Arsenal fan was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do - **no pun**).

The Manchester united fan was the last
one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: 'You support the biggest club in the world and your team is one of the finest in the world. For this reason, you may have two wishes!' 'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness', the Red devil replied. 'In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20 lashes but, 100 lashes.' 'Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave'. The Sheikh said with an admiring look
on his face. 'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish'?
'Tie the Arsenal fan to my back.'

reason:" i'm bored

I logout from Facebook (reason:" i'm bored)..
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After 5 min- I sign in (reason:" i'm bored)....

Boys : Happy Creatures

Boys are always Happy Creatures WHY?

1-Their last name stays with them forever,

2-Phone conversation last just for 30 secs flat,

3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,

4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend,

5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,

6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes,

7-They don't freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies.

Laws Of Life

1) Law Of Telephone : When You Dial A Wrong Number, You Never Get A Busy Tone.

2) Law Of Mechanical Repair : After your Hands Become Coated with grease your nose will begin to itch.

3) Law Of The Workshop : Any Tool, When Dropped, Will Roll to the Least Accessible Corner.

4) Law Of The Alibi : If You Tell The Boss You Were Late For work because You Had A Flat Tire, The Next Morning You Will have a flat tire.

5) Bath Theorem : When The Body Is Immersed In Water, The telephone rings.

6) Law Of Encounters : The Probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

7) Law Of The Result : When You Try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, It Will.

8) Law Of Bio mechanics : The Severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

9) Theater Rule : People With The Seats At The Furthest From The Aisle Arrive Last.

10) Law Of Coffee : As Soon As You Sit Down For A Cup Of Hot Coffee, Your Boss Will Ask You To Do Something Which Will Last Until The Coffee Is Cold.

11) Law Of Proposal : After U Accept A Proposal You Will Get A Better One.

Always keep a packet of Bread in your car. .
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In case you get stuck in a Jam