Man: Hey Google, tell my wife that I cant make for the dinner along with her parents.
Google Assistant: Okay, will do.
After sometime...
Google Assistant: Next time, you talk to your wife yourself...
Sunday 13 May 2018
Friday 27 April 2018
BOSS in office : Okay guys, today we are going to play a game.....
When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall....
And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall....
One who runs on wrong side will not get the Diwali Bonus✨💥🔥...
got it ?
Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.
Boss : Okay...Ready, Start...
. ... ....
..... "ORANGE" !
Employees : 😳😳😰😰😡😡
When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall....
And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall....
One who runs on wrong side will not get the Diwali Bonus✨💥🔥...
got it ?
Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.
Boss : Okay...Ready, Start...
. ... ....
..... "ORANGE" !
Employees : 😳😳😰😰😡😡
Thursday 26 April 2018
Marriage proposal for Swami Vivekananda in the USA
When Swami Vivekananda went to the United States, a woman approached him and asked to marry her. Vivekananda was surprised and wanted to know the reason of such desire. The lady replied, she was amazed by Vivekananda's intellect and wanted to have a child with similar intellect.
Vivekananda listened to her points and replied, "I understand why you are desirous to marry me, but it'll take a long time to get a grown-up child with intellect like me. I can give you a better option at this moment. Become my mother and make me your child. That's how, your desire will be fulfilled right now."
The lady was speechless.
Vivekananda listened to her points and replied, "I understand why you are desirous to marry me, but it'll take a long time to get a grown-up child with intellect like me. I can give you a better option at this moment. Become my mother and make me your child. That's how, your desire will be fulfilled right now."
The lady was speechless.
Wednesday 25 April 2018
Sunday 22 April 2018
A young, well qualified Officer left the job, emigrated to Canada for better prospects and applied for a salesman's job at Vancouver's premier downtown department store. It was the biggest store in the world: you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"
"Yes sir, I was a salesman in India.
The boss liked him and said, "You can start tomorrow. Learn fast and do well."
The first working day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it.
Finally 6 pm came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
"Sir, I made ONE sale!" said the young salesman rather happily.
"Only one sale?!" shot back the boss. "No! No! You see, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale.
By the way, how much was your sale worth?"
"933005 pounds," said the man.
"What?! How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well," said the salesman, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook.
Then I sold him a good fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.
So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that 20-foot schooner with the twin engines.
Then he said his Volkswagen wouldn't be able to carry it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.
I then asked him where he'll be staying and since he had not decided, I took him to camping department and sold him a six-sleeper camper tent.
Then he said I should throw in about $200 worth of groceries and two cases of beer."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?!"
"No, sir," answered the young man, "he came in to buy a headache relief tablet and I convinced him that fishing is the best remedy for headache."
Boss: "Where did you work?!"
"AGENT in the
LIFE INSURANCE CORPORATION OF INDIA, sir."
Boss: "Please take my chair. I want to join your old organisation."
The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"
"Yes sir, I was a salesman in India.
The boss liked him and said, "You can start tomorrow. Learn fast and do well."
The first working day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it.
Finally 6 pm came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
"Sir, I made ONE sale!" said the young salesman rather happily.
"Only one sale?!" shot back the boss. "No! No! You see, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale.
By the way, how much was your sale worth?"
"933005 pounds," said the man.
"What?! How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well," said the salesman, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook.
Then I sold him a good fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.
So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that 20-foot schooner with the twin engines.
Then he said his Volkswagen wouldn't be able to carry it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.
I then asked him where he'll be staying and since he had not decided, I took him to camping department and sold him a six-sleeper camper tent.
Then he said I should throw in about $200 worth of groceries and two cases of beer."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?!"
"No, sir," answered the young man, "he came in to buy a headache relief tablet and I convinced him that fishing is the best remedy for headache."
Boss: "Where did you work?!"
"AGENT in the
LIFE INSURANCE CORPORATION OF INDIA, sir."
Boss: "Please take my chair. I want to join your old organisation."
Saturday 21 April 2018
2 Wives chatting in office :
Wife 1: I had a fine evening, how was Urs???
Wife 2 : It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins. How was yours?
Wife 1 : Oh mine was amazing ! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale !
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep. What about you ?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab or auto.We walked home which took an hour & when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house !!!!!!
MORAL: PRESENTATION DOES MATTER... NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS !!!
Chanakya writes
"If you want to be
Happy with your husband,
Love him Less &
Understand him more !
If you want to be
Happy with your wife,
Love her More &
NEVER try to Understand her !"
Dedicated to All married couple😎
Wife 1: I had a fine evening, how was Urs???
Wife 2 : It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins. How was yours?
Wife 1 : Oh mine was amazing ! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale !
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep. What about you ?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab or auto.We walked home which took an hour & when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house !!!!!!
MORAL: PRESENTATION DOES MATTER... NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS !!!
Chanakya writes
"If you want to be
Happy with your husband,
Love him Less &
Understand him more !
If you want to be
Happy with your wife,
Love her More &
NEVER try to Understand her !"
Dedicated to All married couple😎
Friday 20 April 2018
Funny side of Swami Vivekananda. 😃
When Swami Vivekanand was studying law at the University College, London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room when vivekananda came along with his tray and sat next to the professor.
The professor said, "Mr Vivekanand , you do not understand, a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat."
Vivekanandji looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, "You do not worry professor. I'll fly away," and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge.
The next day in Class he posed the following question: "Mr.Vivekanand , if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with money, which one would you take ?"
Without hesitating, Vivekanandji responded, "The one with the money, of course."
Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom."
Swami Vivekanand shrugged and responded, "Each one takes what he doesn't have."
Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Swami Vivekanand's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Swami Vivekanand.
Vivekanandji took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.
A few minutes later, Swami Vivekanand got up, went to the professor and told him in a dignified polite tone, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."
When Swami Vivekanand was studying law at the University College, London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room when vivekananda came along with his tray and sat next to the professor.
The professor said, "Mr Vivekanand , you do not understand, a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat."
Vivekanandji looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, "You do not worry professor. I'll fly away," and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge.
The next day in Class he posed the following question: "Mr.Vivekanand , if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with money, which one would you take ?"
Without hesitating, Vivekanandji responded, "The one with the money, of course."
Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom."
Swami Vivekanand shrugged and responded, "Each one takes what he doesn't have."
Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Swami Vivekanand's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Swami Vivekanand.
Vivekanandji took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.
A few minutes later, Swami Vivekanand got up, went to the professor and told him in a dignified polite tone, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."
Tuesday 17 April 2018
An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having 2 wifes.
A- Monopoly should be broken.
B- Competition improves the quality of service.
If u have 1 wife, She fights with u!
If u have 2 wifes, They will fight for u!
Feel the difference & decide
❗Disclaimer:
Sender does not have such experience and not responsible for any side effects
A- Monopoly should be broken.
B- Competition improves the quality of service.
If u have 1 wife, She fights with u!
If u have 2 wifes, They will fight for u!
Feel the difference & decide
❗Disclaimer:
Sender does not have such experience and not responsible for any side effects
Sunday 15 April 2018
Friday 13 April 2018
Two stories to begin with :-
1. Nokia refused Android
2. Yahoo refused Google
Story Over!
Lessons Learnt:-
1. Take risks.
2. Embrace changes.
3. If you refuse to change with time, you might perish.
Ok two More stories :-
1. Facebook takes over whatsapp and instagram.
2. Flipkart takes over Myntra and flipkart owned Myntra takes over jabong.
Story Over!
Lessons learnt:-
1. Become so powerful that your competitors become your allies.
2. Reach the top position and then eliminate the competition.
3. Keep innovating.
Two More stories :-
1. Colonel sanders founded KFC at the age of 65.
2. Jack Ma, who coudnt get job in KFC, founded Ali baba.
Story over!
Lessons learnt:-
1. Age is just a number
2. Only those who keep trying succeeds
Last but not the least:-
1. Lamborghini was founded as result of revenge of a tractor owner who was insulted by Enzy Ferrari, the founder of ferrari
Story Over!
Lessons learnt:-
1. Never underestimate anyone, ever !!
2. Success is the best revenge.
Just keep working hard !!
Invest your time wisely !!
Do what pleases you !!
Dont be afraid to fail
1. Nokia refused Android
2. Yahoo refused Google
Story Over!
Lessons Learnt:-
1. Take risks.
2. Embrace changes.
3. If you refuse to change with time, you might perish.
Ok two More stories :-
1. Facebook takes over whatsapp and instagram.
2. Flipkart takes over Myntra and flipkart owned Myntra takes over jabong.
Story Over!
Lessons learnt:-
1. Become so powerful that your competitors become your allies.
2. Reach the top position and then eliminate the competition.
3. Keep innovating.
Two More stories :-
1. Colonel sanders founded KFC at the age of 65.
2. Jack Ma, who coudnt get job in KFC, founded Ali baba.
Story over!
Lessons learnt:-
1. Age is just a number
2. Only those who keep trying succeeds
Last but not the least:-
1. Lamborghini was founded as result of revenge of a tractor owner who was insulted by Enzy Ferrari, the founder of ferrari
Story Over!
Lessons learnt:-
1. Never underestimate anyone, ever !!
2. Success is the best revenge.
Just keep working hard !!
Invest your time wisely !!
Do what pleases you !!
Dont be afraid to fail
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